Blog Personal – The Shake Test

Personal – The Shake Test

Alright, I was hesitant about writing up this post. I hemmed and hawed about it (yes internet people still do that…and use those terms…). I’m worried about what this post will do to the content on here but F it. This is my soapbox and if I want to burn it up doing some public service so be it.

Here it is.

I was in the unfortunate position the other night of having to escort carry drag carry one of my colleagues back to their house from a… rambunctious night out. I promised you dear reader I would pass on the lessons I had learned and I think the following advice (albeit not with a camera) is something we should all well follow.

The Shake Test.

Yes you read correctly, The Shake Test. While I was traveling in Europe I was able to sample a innumerable numbers of tasty beverages (HEY, trying to keep it clean for the kids here HOkay?). I do have some serious German heritage and their idea of a family dinner is 3L of Bier and then 5 shots of schaps….in 2 hours. Previous to Europe I never really played it slow and looked at drinking as a race, which I frequently won…then lost. It’s difficult to tell when you’ve had enough while you’re out on the town and then all of a sudden you know and it’s too late.


After saving the lives of two teamates in Munchen at Oktoberfest (I now have time shares in Fayetteville, NC and Mannheim, Germany) I figured there had to be a way to mitigate those terrible nights where you think drinking is a race, not an experience. Overall simple system that does not make you look like that jackass at the bar trying to put his shit together. My simple system involves moving your head side-to-side in a shaking motion (think dog drying off after going swimming ‘cept laterally) to see if you eyes can keep up with the environment. If your world looks like the image below…

This shot was purposely thought out and executed at a wedding last night. You'll see the assisting post tomorrow. - © Kurtis Stewart 2010

…your next order at the bar should be a glass of water, not three shots of tequila. You can even pretend you’re quickly looking for friends that went missing and get the same effect. You know where you’re body is in the beverage processing timeline and can ensure that when you wake up tomorrow morning you’ll know where you are and not have a pounding headache (unless you were heckling the bartender and that’s not really my fault in the first place).

If I have eroded all the credibility I’ve built up for this blog over the last month with this post, so be it. But if one person takes this advice and has a safer, healthier night from it it will all be worth it.

When in doubt, quick shake test before you go up for every drink order. Trust me, you’ll thank me later.

**Don’t know how much you can take? Test yourself one night and see how far you get before failing The Shake Test (it’s well worth that one night to find out your tolerance). I’m 6’4″ 180lbs and imbue about two pints an hour for 3 hours, after that it depends on how much I’ve eaten that night…and how badly I want to dance**

***That above part being said I’m Scottish/German, it helps… a lot***

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